Feeling the Bern

I don't agree with everything on Bernie Sanders' platform. However, after considering all the candidates, he very clearly became the choice I agreed with most consistently.

I've had people question my faith before because I have chosen to vote for a Democrat in the past. Here's my thing: there are many, many more issues beyond pro-life/pro-choice and gay marriage when it comes to running our country. (Btw, the gay marriage thing is over, let's move on please. Y'all know there is still a very active sex trade in America, right?)

So thinking on that- being a Christian (specifically Baptist) and voting for Bernie Sanders- here is some of my reasoning, with my faith in mind:

(These are short, rambling summaries of my thoughts. To read fully on Bernie's stances and plans, go to berniesanders.com/issues.)

* A living wage/expanding medicare- If you see yourself labeling the millions of people living below the poverty line as lazy, stupid, or greedy- I would encourage you to check your heart a bit. Bernie's bigger plans to redistribute wealth are not about stealing away things you've worked hard for, it's about giving everyone that same opportunity to work hard for decent living. Every American deserves a fair chance at their American dream. Jesus said love. Jesus said grace. Jesus said mercy. Jesus said-

34 Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.35 For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38 And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39 And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ 40 And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’

-Matthew 25:34-40 (ESV)

* Combatting climate change- If you deny climate change as a scientific fact, I suggest you move on. As Obi-Wan would say, "This is not the blog you're looking for." God clearly put us in charge of this beautiful planet (Genesis 1) and I very much worry what we're leaving for our children and their children to deal with. I believe investing in our earth is the smartest way to invest in our future. There have also been credible links established between climate change and the rise of ISIS. Beyond the creation story, I love what God says to Noah after the flood-

And God blessed Noah and his sons and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth. 2 The fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth and upon every bird of the heavens, upon everything that creeps on the ground and all the fish of the sea. Into your hand they are delivered. 3 Every moving thing that lives shall be food for you. And as I gave you the green plants, I give you everything.

-Genesis 9:1-3 (ESV)

It's all been delivered into our hands. Are we taking care of it the way God hopes for?

* Racial Justice/Fair & Humane Immigration Policies- Every American - no matter race, creed, religion, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status - deserves the same amount of dignity and humanity. That is not currently the case in our country. My black and hispanic friends experience racism on an almost DAILY basis. (This is indisputable to me- I have witnessed it.) It is still very deeply ingrained into the fabric of our country. (If you are a white Christian who believes this to not be the case, I would urge you to listen or watch any of Matt Chandler's sermons on racial reconciliation. And I would also urge you to just google some basic statistics.)

When I see a policeman or woman, I automatically feel safe in knowing that help is nearby. Bernie's policies want to make it so that all Americans will be afforded that same right. I also support his prison reforms in ending the prisons for profit system and lessening the punishment for nonviolent offenders (grace and mercy, guys).

This support goes hand in hand with his stances on immigration. (Reminder: about two thousand years ago, there was a brown-skinned couple containing a wife that had become pregnant out-of-wedlock who gave birth to a brown-skinned baby...who was Jesus. This beautiful brown-skinned, not-at-all nuclear family then very quickly became refugees.) The thought of closing our borders to refugees fleeing from the greatest evil on earth makes me incredibly sad. The thought of labeling all Muslims as terrorists (or god forbid imposing a database and ID system???) is beyond dangerous and very much playing into the pattern of fear that ISIS desperately wants. Some verses on our equality in God's eyes that I love-

34 So Peter opened his mouth and said: “Truly I understand that God shows no partiality, 35 but in every nation anyone who fears him and does what is right is acceptable to him.

-Acts 10:34-35 (ESV)

28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

-Galatians 3:28 (ESV)

Just a few overviews of my thoughts. I believe it's important to not make gods of any political candidate. You cannot rest your hopes and dreams on any man. I do believe God can use Bernie Sanders for good in America and the world.

If you are an undecided Christian voter, I would just urge you to read this one last piece- because Donald Trump scares me more than anything.

To God's guiding hand.

Christmas Favorites

Merry Christmas, y'all! I've been back on Texas soil for a little over a week now and have enjoyed every minute - even the 20 minutes spent trying to get out of a parking garage at North Park Mall in Dallas this Monday.

In honor of the day, here are a few of my new and old Christmas favorites:

Bonus! Because it's super important and because including Matt Chandler explaining how Fox News is wrong makes my heart happy.

To Christmas and Jesus,

To Make His Name Great

So...what are you going to do?

A common question people have asked me while back at home this summer.

Kinda vague-sounding, but I completely understand what they're implying.

What (in the heck) am I going to do with my life after I graduate?

That can become a very heavy question very quickly. Think "cartoon spiral of doom" style. Here, let me sum it up for you with some gifs real quick -

My go-to answer is always something along the lines of - "Well, God made it very clear that London was the choice for me a year ago, so I'm counting on that happening again." Truthfully though, I think that's a bit of a cop-out. Not to say that it's untrue, but it oversimplifies some very complex situations and (more importantly) gives me way too much credit in implying that I will automatically trust God with His decision.

But people (most people) don't want a whole blog post for an answer. They want to hear- "I'm going to teach" or "I'm going to Hollywood to make it as a big time movie star" or "I'm marrying this English Baron I've been seeing and am going to live out the remainder of my life as closely to that of a Disney princess as possible."

Then a couple of days ago, I listened to David Smoak's interview of backup Baylor RB Silas Nacita. I would encourage everyone to give it a listen here, but I understand that not all of my tens of devoted blog readers bleed green and gold like myself, so let me give you some quick background info. 

Silas transferred from Cornell to come play at BU last year and found out last minute that his financial aid hadn't come through. He spent the whole year taking community college classes online - just scraping by and hoping for the chance that this year he would be back with his team. 

Thankfully, he is. Not only is he doing really well (three TDs so far this season) but he's also amassed quite the following from the Baylor community due to one of the best player nicknames I've ever heard. Go due yourself a favor and search #salsanacho on Twitter.

I googled "salsa nacho gif" and this is what the internet gave me.
Thank you once again for never letting me down, internet.

The whole interview is amazing (seriously, take ten minutes and listen) but this one particular question and answer towards the end is just something else.

DS: You score that touchdown against SMU. Does it feel like- it's all worth it at that point?

SN: I don't think it was about coming here and making a name for myself. I think what God taught me was that it wasn't about ever getting back to Baylor. It wasn't about coming here and scoring touchdowns and making my name famous. It was about understanding where I could be joyful in my life regardless if I had football, if I had school, if I had all the things that I wanted. It was about finding joy in life and it was really in Him. He gave me that joy to where I didn't need all this stuff and so when I did get here and when I am gonna be a part of it, it'll never be about me. It'll always be about somebody greater or somebody else. So I think that, just to be able to score a touchdown...it's just a "thank you, God."

Cut to a few days later. I'm listening to the first of Matt Chandler's sermons in his new series called "A Beautiful Design." Lucky for me, the Village put up the perfect 2 minute clip of it on their YouTube channel -

We were created by a creator. Which means - this is gonna sting a little bit - we are not the measure of anything...Just to be more direct and straight with you since we have this strong relationship -

You're not the point. 

I'm not the point.

We're not the point.

In the expanse of the universe, even though we have a special place in the creative order...you and I as created beings are not the point - The creator's the point.

And I'll tell you why this rubs us the wrong way- we wanna be the point.

I do. I want to be the point so badly sometimes.

When I think about that question of "what are you going to do?" my mind easily translates it to "what kind of name are you going to make for yourself?" I think of all the ways I might be successful, all the ways I might fail, what jobs I'll get, what city I'll live in, on and on. The entertainment industry strives on self. Yes, theatre is a collaborative art form (and I love it for that) but the culture of these "I'm gonna make it big" cities is very "me, myself, and I" based. How can I make my name great? It's so easy to slip into that, to want that, to work for that. 

Silas could so easily turn his story into a "look at everything I've done" moment and no one would fault him. But instead he did the complete opposite. His answer broke my heart in all the best ways. That humility is...well, humbling.

Ultimately, no matter how much I love performing, I have to have that same conviction that Silas does. To borrow from his words- I want to be joyful in my life regardless of if I have theatre, if I find the perfect job, get the perfect role, get any role. I want to find joy in life through Christ so that if I am ever "successful" - I'll already know that it isn't about me. As Chandler eloquently reinforced, it'll never be about me. It's about my creator.

So...what am I going to do?

Whatever the year after grad school brings me (even if no touchdown equivalents are involved) I want to be able to say "thank you, God" with my full heart. That's my prayer.

I fly back to London on Wednesday. It's been a wonderful summer, Texas.

To making it about Him,

p.s. - If you want to see all of Matt's sermon, it's available here to watch or listen to.

Dear Jenny

This past week, I wrapped up my last week of normally-scheduled classes for my first year of grad school. I would insert a huge, all-caps "WOOHOO/AHH IT'S ALL GOING TOO FAST" here, but I'm not anywhere near finished yet. We begin two priority weeks tomorrow where I'll be in rehearsals for Two Gentlemen of Verona from 10-6 everyday and on July 11th, we open at the Cockpit Theatre! Go here to order all the tickets your heart desires.

For our last context class, our professor had us read a letter written by Stephen Fry to his 16-year-old self. (If you're interested, you can find it here.) We were then tasked with writing our own letter, but this time to ourself at age 65. 

I would call the process of penning this letter overwhelming, emotional, fun, scary, depressing, hilarious, hopeful, and a range of other things. Very similar to the process of just being a girl.

Here are some excerpts from my final product:

Jenny –

            I wonder what’s most important to you now? I know that most of the things I cared so deeply about when I was 16 seem almost silly to me now, only 10 years later. I hope looking back at me won’t make you roll your eyes in scorn or facepalm out of embarrassment. I’d like to think I’m doing a pretty good job of being a general 26-year-old female human.

            It does feel hilariously prideful however, to be giving advice to a (hopefully) wiser person than me. Sometimes though with wisdom comes jadedness. Are you a cynic? I hope not. I hope you never stopped watching Disney movies and enjoying them for what they are. I hope you still wear the occasional ribbon in your hair. I hope when you meet a person, that you see them as a fully-realized, sentient creation with dreams and emotions just as important as your own. 

I used to see becoming an adult as a very small and very rigid box. But it doesn’t have to be that, does it? Maturity doesn’t have to be boring. Sure, be financially responsible, be emotionally available, be accountable in your relationships, but every now and then stay up all night with friends. Take everything in your fridge and try to make one meal out of it. Give yourself a day off to do something stupid. Or do nothing at all. I can already hear you sighing in exasperation, by the way. (I'm already famous for my exasperated sighs.) “That's all easier said than done.” I believe you. The trend for life so far has been to get harder, not easier. I can only imagine how difficult – how heavy – things might be at times for you.

            What gets you through that heaviness? Through the brokenness that you see everyday in the world and in your heart? My go-to’s are Philippians 4:13 and Jeremiah 29:11. I know - super cliché Christian, right? But they're overused for a reason, I think. Maybe my greatest wish for you lies in the fact that you still meditate on those promises and stand in their truth more fully than I can comprehend right now. Because if there’s one thing I could change about myself at the moment, it would be a complete realignment of my heart to the Gospel. I ache for my worth and my joy to be found wholly in God. It’s so hard pinning down your value on any other option. Achievements are fleeting. People are unreliable. Money is a sucky deity. Placing the meaning of my life is any of these ultimately leads to failure. Hopefully you're better at recognizing this than me.

Ok, some quicker, closing thoughts:

Stay active – doesn’t matter how, just keep moving.
Don’t be friends with people who are rude to the waiter.
All good mornings start this way: snooze once, roll out of bed, stretch for five minutes, pray.
Don’t curse so much. It makes it more effective when you do.
To quote Pappaw: spend a little, save a lot.
Keep writing anything and everything.
Sunscreen and vitamin D supplements.
     (On a related note: go to the dermatologist. Even if you went last month, go get all your funny freckles looked at again.)
Remember the legacy of Matthew 25:23.

Floss.
Always have a needle and thread handy.

On stage and in life – earn your pauses.

And as always - sic 'em bears.

P.S. - on a slightly lighter note, as another part of wrapping up our skills classes, we had a musical theatre night where each one of my talented classmates performed. I had the pleasure of singing (in my opinion) one of the more underrated modern-era Disney songs. Feel free to take a peek - 

Term 2

One of my friends mentioned off-hand that she was impatiently awaiting my next blog post.

That's for you, Hannah.

Truthfully, I've been trying to blog about something - anything - for a while now. Sometimes there are so many thoughts, emotions, and general things clogging up your brain it's hard to formulate a few sensible paragraphs.

#classic

To put it simply, Term 2 was very different from Term 1.

Harder in good and not-always-good ways.

A little less like a fairytale and a little more like real life.

Still crazy, remember-this-when-you're-eighty kind of fun, but now more fully framed within the heaviness of this world's brokenness.

About a week and a half before I was due to fly to Texas, I found myself (mostly unsuccessfully) attempting to not have a breakdown during rehearsal. Luckily our director Robin is one of the most compassionate, patient men I've ever worked with and understood (even better than me at the time) how multiple things had been piling up on top of me.

My whole life, I've always strived to be the one who has it all together. Being dependable- the one who everyone can always go to- that's a source of pride for me. The past few months, the Lord has patiently and graciously been showing me that in fact I am nowhere close to having it all together.

And- spoiler alert- I never will.

And that's ok.

One of my favorite sayings that I would hear Chandler say over and over at The Village was "it's ok to not be ok." Somewhere along this overseas journey, I packed that little sentence away and forgot about it. The struggle for perfection took hold. The need to be a steadfast rock of an adult began emptying me into a shell of insecurities.

As I was apologizing over and over that Wednesday afternoon in the studio, Robin just kept saying, "It's ok. It's ok. It's ok." I guess he triggered my memory.

It's ok to not be ok.

I missed two funerals in less than two months. I knew I wouldn't be able to complete those grieving processes until I touched Texas soil. That weight influenced me in ways I couldn't really quantify.

There were other factors too. Body images issues. Fear of the future. Apathy. I'm still struggling with all these areas in one way or another. And - say it with me now - it's ok. God's goodness and grace will cover my insecurities and doubts. Some day I hope to be able to fully stand in that truth. Until then, I'll just keep working on being ok with not being ok.

For now, there's Texas.

Whew. Despite all of the above, I pinky-promise that I'm still having the time of my life and wouldn't trade it for anything. I don't have to prove it to you, dearest internets, but I will because going back through these pictures makes my heart full.

In the past term...

...I saw exciting, funny, well-done theatre.

....I continued to make memories with some of the best classmates a gal could ask for. This includes hosting a superbowl party lasting until 5 in the morning, giving europeans their first Rice Krispie treat & Cheddar Bay biscuit experience, watching oodles of Sochi Olympic coverage, taking a Jack the Ripper walking tour on Valentines day, and just generally loving being in the company of such lovely and talented people.

...I fell even more in love with this city.

...I was assured that I have the best flatmate in the history of flatmates. If I want evidence of God's blessings in my life, I have to look no further to the girl who travels twenty minutes on the tube to get me a diet coke the day my grandma passed or walks down to the pharmacy to get me medicine when I can't on my own or stays up until 5 am with me laughing and watching YouTube videos. She loves with fear or judgement and I'm so thankful for that.

Texas has been a wonderful respite so far. My soul breathes deeper around fields of bluebonnets and endlessly sunny skies. Plus, spending time with family and friends is kinda priceless. It's all deserving of its own blog post, so for now I'll leave with - once more with feeling - 

It's ok to not be ok.