jk, it's me jenny!: To Make His Name Great

So...what are you going to do?

A common question people have asked me while back at home this summer.

Kinda vague-sounding, but I completely understand what they're implying.

What (in the heck) am I going to do with my life after I graduate?

That can become a very heavy question very quickly. Think "cartoon spiral of doom" style. Here, let me sum it up for you with some gifs real quick -

My go-to answer is always something along the lines of - "Well, God made it very clear that London was the choice for me a year ago, so I'm counting on that happening again." Truthfully though, I think that's a bit of a cop-out. Not to say that it's untrue, but it oversimplifies some very complex situations and (more importantly) gives me way too much credit in implying that I will automatically trust God with His decision.

But people (most people) don't want a whole blog post for an answer. They want to hear- "I'm going to teach" or "I'm going to Hollywood to make it as a big time movie star" or "I'm marrying this English Baron I've been seeing and am going to live out the remainder of my life as closely to that of a Disney princess as possible."

Then a couple of days ago, I listened to David Smoak's interview of backup Baylor RB Silas Nacita. I would encourage everyone to give it a listen here, but I understand that not all of my tens of devoted blog readers bleed green and gold like myself, so let me give you some quick background info.

Silas transferred from Cornell to come play at BU last year and found out last minute that his financial aid hadn't come through. He spent the whole year taking community college classes online - just scraping by and hoping for the chance that this year he would be back with his team.

Thankfully, he is. Not only is he doing really well (three TDs so far this season) but he's also amassed quite the following from the Baylor community due to one of the best player nicknames I've ever heard. Go due yourself a favor and search #salsanacho on Twitter.

I googled "salsa nacho gif" and this is what the internet gave me.
Thank you once again for never letting me down, internet.

The whole interview is amazing (seriously, take ten minutes and listen) but this one particular question and answer towards the end is just something else.

DS: You score that touchdown against SMU. Does it feel like- it's all worth it at that point?

SN: I don't think it was about coming here and making a name for myself. I think what God taught me was that it wasn't about ever getting back to Baylor. It wasn't about coming here and scoring touchdowns and making my name famous. It was about understanding where I could be joyful in my life regardless if I had football, if I had school, if I had all the things that I wanted. It was about finding joy in life and it was really in Him. He gave me that joy to where I didn't need all this stuff and so when I did get here and when I am gonna be a part of it, it'll never be about me. It'll always be about somebody greater or somebody else. So I think that, just to be able to score a touchdown...it's just a "thank you, God."

Cut to a few days later. I'm listening to the first of Matt Chandler's sermons in his new series called "A Beautiful Design." Lucky for me, the Village put up the perfect 2 minute clip of it on their YouTube channel -

We were created by a creator. Which means - this is gonna sting a little bit - we are not the measure of anything...Just to be more direct and straight with you since we have this strong relationship -

You're not the point.

I'm not the point.

We're not the point.

In the expanse of the universe, even though we have a special place in the creative order...you and I as created beings are not the point - The creator's the point.

And I'll tell you why this rubs us the wrong way- we wanna be the point.

I do. I want to be the point so badly sometimes.

When I think about that question of "what are you going to do?" my mind easily translates it to "what kind of name are you going to make for yourself?" I think of all the ways I might be successful, all the ways I might fail, what jobs I'll get, what city I'll live in, on and on. The entertainment industry strives on self. Yes, theatre is a collaborative art form (and I love it for that) but the culture of these "I'm gonna make it big" cities is very "me, myself, and I" based. How can I make my name great? It's so easy to slip into that, to want that, to work for that.

Silas could so easily turn his story into a "look at everything I've done" moment and no one would fault him. But instead he did the complete opposite. His answer broke my heart in all the best ways. That humility is...well, humbling.

Ultimately, no matter how much I love performing, I have to have that same conviction that Silas does. To borrow from his words- I want to be joyful in my life regardless of if I have theatre, if I find the perfect job, get the perfect role, get any role. I want to find joy in life through Christ so that if I am ever "successful" - I'll already know that it isn't about me. As Chandler eloquently reinforced, it'll never be about me. It's about my creator.

So...what am I going to do?

Whatever the year after grad school brings me (even if no touchdown equivalents are involved) I want to be able to say "thank you, God" with my full heart. That's my prayer.

I fly back to London on Wednesday. It's been a wonderful summer, Texas.